


I'm On Fire

by TylLambo (humanyubel)



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Character Study, Dysphoria, Gen, Not the focus of it though, Self-Esteem Issues, Time Shenanigans, Time Travel, Trans Male Character, Vent fic of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/TylLambo
Summary: Sometimes its like someone took a knife babyEdgy and dull and cut a six-inch valleyThrough the middle of my soul





	I'm On Fire

**Author's Note:**

> no proofreading / editing. we die like men

Lambo stared into the mirror. Unruly black hair, and flushed cheeks. Cow t-shirt and jeans like he was still twelve.  _ Like a child _ . His eyes were too wide, too obviously excited.

 

He opened his mouth to give the mirror a charming smile only to cringe away at the sight of neon green bands and shiny metal.

 

Thankfully his braces would be coming off shortly. Surely- surely young Vongola and company would think less of him. The him that had become so cool- with pretty eyes and fancy words and a smile that could make lesser people swoon- would not appear before them.

 

Instead they’d see the boy who was more child than teen, with hair that followed no rhyme or reason, limbs and torso too gangly to be a proper guardian, eyes too open and unguarded. 

 

A spoiled boy given responsibility he wasn’t sure he had come close to earning.

 

He peered over at the photograph of the him he would become. An innocent snapshot Mama had taken so long ago to commemorate the newest addition to Vongola’s ever expanding friend circle.

 

He took a moment to wallow in despair. How could he ever look like that? It felt impossible. He’d been anticipating his fifteenth birthday and what that entailed ever since  _ before _ his  _ fourteenth  _ birthday. 

 

Impatience had never been something he had worked on.

 

Italia existed as an ephemeral beauty outside of his bathroom window, ready to be viewed ‘til one was fit to burst, ‘til it faded away to unveil a new, but nonetheless, nostalgic sight. Yet he was stuck inside, only able to feel the time pass through his internal clock and in blinks of erased mistakes.

 

He could recall the times years ago when Vongola and the others would speak of his future self in hushed tones with fond looks upon their faces. Tell of a man only a year or so older than themselves who became truly reliable. 

 

Could recall all the times years ago that Gokudera had scolded him, all the times the others were assigned to watch over him because he couldn't be trusted to not be a child. 

 

Could recall all the times he had simply been refused permission to go with them. How Vongola had smiled, a melancholy countenance with tired amber eyes and said  _ “ _ _ Non ancora. _ _ ” _

 

Could recall the envy that threatened to swallow him whole and left a squeezing feeling within his chest as it’s calling card. 

 

He bit the inside of his cheek until his mouth filled with the taste of pennies for a rainy day. Tried to focus on the task at hand.

 

He stripped down to an undershirt and his underwear and shifted his attention to the pile of clothes on the toilet. Beige pants fitted for hips that would widen just the slightest more, a cow printed dress shirt, and a black suit jacket. 

 

He couldn’t understand what would ever possess him to wear such gaudy garments, but it was what his famiglia of ten years earlier would be expecting.

 

The pants slid on easily enough, though the cuffs covered the tops of his feet. He looped his bull head belt around his hips and fastened it tight enough to keep his pants from slipping. They weren’t exactly the most flattering on him. Though maybe that was because he was himself and not yet  _ him _ .

 

Next came the dress shirt.

 

He cast a glance at the picture taped to his mirror and sighed. He pulled his undershirt off with a bit of difficulty. It left his hair in even further disarray. The bathroom felt ten degrees colder in that moment.

 

He slipped his arms into the sleeves of his cow print dress shirt and frowned at the way it looked on him. It couldn’t be the proper size for future him muchless his current self. Did no one teach him how to dress himself in the future?

 

Three? No four buttons from the top left undone and one towards the bottom. 

 

He tucked half of it into his pants and spent ten minutes making the other side appear naturally disheveled. He shrugged on the suit jacket and buttoned that up. If anything that only made his chest stand out further. 

 

Haru definitely wouldn’t like this new look. 

 

He closed his right eye and fixed the mirror with the most persuasive wink he possibly could. A child, no matter how you look at it, is a child.

 

He would be seeing I-pin and Mama again. He’d meet young Vongola and the others and be exactly what they needed, some how. Wasn’t he supposed to become a reliable man one could count on in tough situations?

 

The Ten Year Bazooka had never truly failed him as a child, so it was only second nature to trust in his future self. Be it 5 years or 5 minutes from now.

 

Lambo blinked the stars out of his eyes, harshly crashing down into the harsh world below. His face burned fire upon the lands and his shoulders trembled like disrupted waves. 

 

He felt like a little boy putting on his distant Father’s clothing in the hopes of cheering up his Mother. To be what they were missing.

 

_ Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake... _

 

 

_ “ たいてい _ _ 。 _ _ ” he had said with a knowing smile. His eyes were open for once, accepting as the sky itself. His face younger and his shoulders not completely burdened by the sins of the underground.  _

_ Hang in there. _

Maybe, just once, he understood his future self.

 

The boy in the mirror for moment’s time resembled the man he would become. Smiled slyly, leveling him with a conspiratorial wink. The thing that surprised him the most was the excitement barely contained within the opened eye, the soft blush on his cheeks.

 

He blinked and the moment was over. 

 

His face screwed up for a moment, unsure of how to react. To cry or laugh?

 

He let out a choked giggle.

 

“I can’t wait to stand side by side with young Vongola and the others.” A teardrop splashed onto the sink top. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey im hurt


End file.
